MotoSloth: Range days... BORN READY...sorta

The second day of motorcycle class was in the classroom and it was hours of informative, snore-worthy, instruction.  Very important stuff.
BUT THE THIRD AND FOURTH DAY WAS ON THE RANGE AND ON THE BIKE!

Here are some picts from both days.

Some of our intrepid, Born Ready classmates.

This is me transforming into a Bad Ass... right before your eyes.  I'm wearing my Sparx helmet which my brother gave me.  Everyone thought I was an official spokesperson for the helmet company cause I was raving about it.  They thought I was working undercover as a novice rider, trying to sell the helmet to noobie riders.

Here's a great little shot of our Sparx helmets.  What great graphics!  And it's the only helmet company with a helmet replacement program where in the event you get into an accident and the helmet takes an impact, you can send in the police report along with the damaged helmet and they'll replace it free of charge!  WOW! And they're extremely affordable helmets! Another WOW!  What great helmets!!  heh... this is why they thought I was working for the company.  Which I do not.

But that doesn't mean I'm not going to shamelessly plug the helmets.  Look at Wiseman slowly transforming into a Bad Ass as well.  That's his Sparx Bruce Lee "The Master" helmet in front of my Sparx Stryder retro helmet.  How could you not love these things?

This was the first day... I took a lot of pictures of us LOOKING cool in our helmets cause we, of course, looked like clueless idiots on the bike at this point.

You can tell that I am totally clueless even with my helmet on.

I was letting out a fart.

Wiseman was very focused on looking like a Bad Ass... in this picture he was thinking, "It is very likely that I was born to do this.  Extremely likely indeed."

"Marlon Brando, eat your heart out."

He figured it out eventually.

The Buell Blast.  A Blast indeed.

Ready?

BORN READY!

Except on the second day of range practice:

• I was doing really well, and the class as a whole was doing great since nobody dropped their bike on the first day.
• Until I came to a stop after one of the exercises and accidentally released my clutch which caused the bike to jerk violently...
• Thus throwing me off
• and causing me to then drop my bike.

I was told that the other girl dropped her bike the first day, but nobody saw it.  I dropped my bike in front of everyone.  And I broke a headlight.

                    And

I bent the shift lever.

It seems that my bike dropping event opened up the flood gates...

As Wiseman was executing his tight U-turns, he squeezed down on his brakes in the middle of his turn, exactly the way we were told NOT to do,  which resulted in the spectacular spill to the ground followed immediately by the bike falling on top of him.
Drop #2

These episodes were quickly followed by other members of our class doing similar things and dropping their bikes as well. In total, bikes were dropped 6 times.  Not so bad for a bunch of noobs.

At least I wasn't leaving parts of my bike behind me all day like Wiseman.  During our riding test, Wiseman's headlight fell completely off.

But I'm happy to announce that both Wiseman and I passed the riding test with flying colors.  Although Wiseman stalled out and PUT HIS FOOT DOWN in the middle of the tight U-turn section of the test, and I went outside the boundaries of the tight U-turn box.  3 points off for Wiseman and 5 points off for me.  Although, I think stalling should be more points off.

The last night was in the classroom where we took the written test.  50 questions in all.
SCORE:

• Wiseman 49
• MotoSloth 50

Boo ya.

Next:

• Dirt Bike lessons
• DMV written test for M1 class license
• purchase motorbike
• go on motorbike road trip with Ewan McGregor
• take up smoking cigarettes

thus

• Completing my transformation into Ultimate Badassery

MotoSloth: Day 1 of Rider's Edge Class

Day 1 of the Rider's Edge Harley Davidson class consisted of introductions and getting acquainted with the 9 guys (it's actually 10 guys if you count Wiseman) and 2 other women taking the course and discussing scenarios and the do's and don'ts and shoulda's and coulda's of various, god awful, motorcycle accident scenarios.


I'm not gonna lie, it was kind of a snore.  However, the anticipation of operating a motorcycle for the first time grows by the minute.


Here are a couple of questions we were supposed to answer last night:

• List 3 things you hope to gain from the Rider's Edge Course.

My answer:

1. I hope to learn how to operate a motorcycle since that's kind of a major factor in actually riding a motorcycle... hopefully riding up the coast with the wind in my face and dolphins swimming up the coast accompanying me.  And unicorns galloping along side me.
2. I'd like to learn how to avoid dying.  More specifically, I'd like to learn how to avoid motorcycling accidents.  Even more specifically, I'd like to learn how to avoid getting hit by a moving vehicle that is larger than a motorcycle.
3. Most importantly, I'd like learn how to be a true bad ass.  Like Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider or Brigitte Bardot in... in I guess real life.  She's bad ass.  I would like to be able to achieve that level of bad assery that is depicted in movies and posters and music videos, first by learning how to ride a motorcycle, then learning how to smoke cigarettes.

The second question was:

• List 3 things you are concerned about in taking the Rider's Edge course.

My answer:

1. I'm a little worried that I won't be very good at this.  Or that I may not enjoy it as much as I do in my mind where I'm riding up some coast, wearing a black leather jumpsuit, and with unicorns by my side.
2. I'm concerned my mother will find out about it.
3. Dying.

In regards to the #2 answer in above list:

• My mother believes I'm attending a class for work, training to improve my career.
• My mother has a slightly misconfigured gauge of danger and incapable of understanding "calculated risks" and nearly gave birth to a full grown cow when I told her I was going Go-Karting.
• I would have no need for a helmet if my mother found out I was learning to ride a motorcycle cause she would rip my head off my body.
• Tee hee

tonight is the second class, and Wiseman and I will be there...ready to ride.  Well not really, but I reckon we'll be ready to at least learn to ride or something.


AND, I am happy there are other women in the class that have the same desire to cruise down tarmac on two wheels... with a unicorn by their side.  They both seem younger, so they may not be experiencing the same sort of early-onset-midlife-crisis thing that I seem to be going through, but whatever, we all seem to be really excited to be there.


ALSO, I have yet to reveal this desire, but I think it's obvious:
I want to take a motorbike road trip adventure with Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman... and Wiseman can come too, I guess.  This is ultimately what I hope to accomplish in life at the moment.  That and ride alongside a unicorn.  All goals that are within reach I think.


I'll try to take some pictures of class and post them up soon...

MotoSloth: Crotch rockets and Sloths go together like a coupla peas in a pod.

Motorcycle classes seemed like a great idea for the following reasons:

1. From all the movies and TV shows I've watched that had people riding motorcycles (the end of Easy Rider being an exception), it seemed like a tremendously fun thing to do.  Everyone seemed to have the following qualities:
• A burning desire to straddle a two wheeled vehicle of some sort and fly down tarmac with no particular direction in mind.
• A general trait of badassery enhanced by black leather attire and boots or colorful helmets.
• A disregard for any and all authority.
• A disregard for social norms and standards
• They generally knew how to have sexy-time on a bike with a member of the opposite sex...while riding the bike!  You know, like in Hot Shots!
2. In an effort to be a general, all-around, badass, I've managed to collect a couple of leather jackets, leather boots, and helmets that I periodically wear around the house while sitting on my couch watching Mad Men or on the rare occasion I go out to a bar where I'll order a Bud to go along with my attire.  So instead of continuing to be a poseur, I figure I could at least learn to ride a motorbike and put my clothes to use - not to mention the helmet... that I've been using for Go-Karting. 
3. But most importantly, if you've ever watched the movie, Deep Impact, you'll know that in the event of a catastrophic, meteor-the-size-of-Texas-hurtling-to-Earth, disaster, the roads will be congested with cars and everyone will be stuck in traffic and unable to escape for higher grounds and die...UNLESS... you're able to find yourself a motorbike that's capable of bypassing all traffic and chaos and zip itself right up a mountain, escaping imminent death and the end of the world; living another day to procreate with the other bikers to repopulate the earth.
4. Lastly, I had just watched Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman's documentary series, The Long Way Round, where the two bff thespians decided it would be a brilliant idea to do a road trip that started in London and ended in New York and document the whole trip.  These two ding dongs managed to make riding a behemoth bike, through what seemed like at times the Devil's playground with potholes the size of Rhode Island in the middle of Siberia, an utter hoot.  I'm not sure why it struck me as something that would be "fun", cause they seemed to be having a miserable time through the tough parts of the trip, but I found it to be a thoroughly enticing idea. 
5. I lied, #4 was not the last point... my #5 reason for thinking it would be a good time for me to learn how to ride a motorbike: My brother currently works for SPARX Helmets and it occurs to me that I can obtain gear for very cheap or FREE.  If I have the gear, I might as well put it to good use...which includes using the helmets for Go-Karting.

There was also a blog about some pals who took a motorbike trip through Angola that stuck me as "fun" and interesting as well.  The blog is great and it inspired me to try to keep picture blogs of my future trips as well.  You can read it here: Angola Motorbike Trip ADVRIDER Blog Link


Also, I'm told Uneasy Rider is a good book to read for those of you who have similar romanticized ideas as I do of motorbike touring around the world.


Motorcycle classes begin Thursday, and both Wiseman and I will be attending the course at a Harley Davidson store close to us.  I have fantasies of riding a motorcycle (preferably something like this or this) cross country on small back country roads where there are very few cars and beautiful landscape surrounding me.


I'm already planning my trip... but knowing me, after the first class, I'll probably be terrified of riding a motorcycle and my fantasies will dissipate along with my excitement.  I certainly hope not, but I'll find out soon.




Stay tuned for MotoSLOTH adventures... It's very likely I'll just end up tooling around town on a Vespa.

Kickballin' Sloth: The Final Game

My first season of Kickball has ended.  The final game was last night, and I did the following:

• Ate proverbial shit during pregame warmups
• Chose to laugh instead of cry when I fell flat on my face on the concrete
• Chose to laugh instead of cry at the searing pain in my knee and tiny gravel bits in my palm because I had ingested several cocktails prior to getting to the park.
• CAUGHT THREE FLY BALLS!  EVEN WITH TINY GRAVEL BITS IN MY PALM!
• REMEMBERED TO THROW THE BALL BACK TO THE PITCHER AFTER CATCHING THE FLY BALLS!
• repeatedly called the pitcher on the opposing team a "flaccid penis" because he was a dick.

After our inevitable loss of giant proportions, we continued the night at Busby's, where:

• we are supposed to get free pitchers of beer from the winning team
• we did not get free pitchers of beer from the winning team with the flaccid penis as their captain and pitcher.
• we probably didn't get free pitchers of beer from the team because I called their numskull captain a "flaccid penis".
• I proceeded to slap my fellow kickballers' ass, which happily resulted in surprisingly positive responses.
• Until I slapped the ass of a real life grumpasaurus rex.

I think overall, we did great.  Even though we didn't win a single game.
We did succeed in winning a game of beer pong and flip cup, so I don't think it was a complete loss.


Here are some jpgs of the experience.
Maybe I'll go back for a second season...

I don't know who this is.


But this is Wiseman:

The Field:

Busby's:

and a random super short super artsy video:

 

(All photos and videos courtesy of Wiseman)

Kickballin' Sloth: Game 3

There are several things I can count on occurring on a Monday night (if it's not a holiday):

• The kickball team I am on (The Pussyfooters) will lose their game.
• I will be drunk prior, during, and/or after the game.
• I will get hit in the face with a big, red, rubber ball while attempting to catch it.

Kickballin' Sloth: Game 2

We lost game 2.

BUT the shocker is:

• We only lost by like 2 or 3 points!  I think the final score might have been 1-4.  
• Of all the heckling I did, I didn't get punched in the face!
• In fact - one of the guys on the opposing team came up to me and said "heeey, you're hhhhot." in like a totally sleazy way! 
• Kickball is turning out to be alright!

Wiseman took the following pictures:

Based on these pictures you can correctly assume the following:

• Wiseman and I go to the local bar down the street and get drunk before the game.
• Wiseman is swaying.
• I made fun of the dude with the Mohawk.
• Cause I was a little tipsy.

Next game I will take a camera with a stabilizer and take better pictures of the meat market we call The Kickball Field.

I suppose I should mention that in my one attempt to catch a fly ball, it hit me in the face.  Luckily, everyone was watching.

Kickballin' Sloth

A friend recently convinced me to join her kickball team.  I then convinced Wiseman and Lipana to join as well.  So far, Wiseman and I have gotten drunk in preparation for the game, and Lipana has failed to show up for a game.

The team:

• is called the Pussyfooters
• is not exactly highly skilled in the kickballing area
• has not experienced a "winning" season in quite some time
• but has always won the "spirit" award at the end of their losing season.

I admit I joined the team because:

• I struggle with social awkwardness and thought that inserting myself into activities that required teamwork would offer opportunities for me to practice socializing like normal people do.
• the league gets 20% off at Busby's after the games
• there are beer drinking activities after the games.

Here I am practicing my social skills and my beer drinking skills all at once:

Picture courtesy of WAKA Hollywood flickr stream.

The first official game of the season was last Monday, and we lost spectacularly.

I wasn't able to keep track of the score after a while, but I think it ended up being something like 17-4.  I stopped keeping track after the first inning when the other team scored their 13th run.
I believe this was also when I kicked dirt at the other team's runner on 3rd base and found the following to be true:

• Kickball is taken very seriously among league players
• Kickballers have no qualms about punching another kickballer's lights out - female or male
• Kickballers seem to think this is a serious game.
• I am not a good candidate for playing kickball.
• especially when I am buzzed.

However, this was only the first game, and we have a gazillion to go, so maybe it was just a fluke.  Tonight is the second game and we will dominate team "Who Let the Balls out".  The Pussyfooters will reign.
Stay tuned for more Kickballin' sloth...