Cinema Sloth: The Runaways

In an attempt to revisit and possibly reignite that feeling of grrrl power that has waned over the years, I went to a theater near me and watched The Runaways.

For someone who asks "What Would Joan Jett Do?" as the deciding factor for almost every decision in her life... "Would I like to super size that drink?  Why YES, I would.  Cause after I'm done drinking it, I'll have more to pee out onto your counter!  YEAH, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT JOAN JETT WOULD DO!  boo ya!" - Anyway, I was excited to watch The Runaways movie.

I hoped to walk away from the movie with at least one of the following:

• rejuvenated by the power of an all girl rock n' roll band
• empowered and ready to castrate the first male I see
• a familiar drive to start up a grrrl band 
• a desire to learn to play the guitar...again.
• to feel like I could walk into work Friday morning and don't give a damn about my bad reputation.

I walked into that theater wanting to see this:

Bad Ass.


But instead got this:

Cream puffed sized affectation of above mentioned bad-assery.

And when the movie started, I suddenly realized I had failed to take into account the following:

• the girl from the Twilight movies is playing Joan Jett
• Holy Shit, is that Dakota Fanning??
• Holy Shit, is that Dakota Fanning playing a strung out, corset bound, Cherie Curie??
• They are not really The Runaways
• oh my god... Dakota Fanning... mine eyes.

This girl:

who was in this movie:

was playing the character depicting this flower petal:

I love Cherie Curie, and I actually like Dakota Fanning - but the two together just broke my head.
So after watching The Runaways, I walked away from the movie feeling nothing but superbly disturbed.  Little Dakota... in a sex scene with Kristen Stewart... and wearing underwear and a corset on stage while belting Cherry Bomb and ...oh god... tomorrow, I will be watching "All That Jazz".
I bet that's what Joan Jett did after she saw Dakota strutting around in fishnets and a corset, snorting lines out of her palm...
It just sucks the PUNK right out of you.
Although, I have to say, I loved the opening scene of the movie... that was about all I liked about it.