- Technically, Day 5 started at the medieval cave bar of ex-patriots and the Irish lesbian, Anne Marie, boozing us up with what I think was the nectar of the gods. But, I'm going to say that Day 5 started with Carl, Wiseman, and I waking up at noon to find Carl's camera missing.
- We searched high and low, and several possibilities ran through our minds:
- Anne Marie was in cahoots with the ex-patriots and running a complicated scheme of luring unsuspecting tourists and herding them into a medieval cave bar to booze them up to have a fun time and distract them while the 20 year old bartender from Iowa lifts our belongings.
- Anne Marie's groping and accosting was actually a really slick camera lifting technique.
- or Carl was drunk and just left his camera at the cave bar.
- We found all options potentially possible, and we were convinced whatever had happened, we would probably never see Carl's very expensive camera ever again.
- I am a communication super star and can become fast friends with just about anyone I meet - with the exception of the old, crazy, french graffiti-ing man.
- Lesbians love me - Anne Marie doesn't seem to have been an exception.
- and OMG, she gave me her email address!!
- Wiseman emails her about the camera
- Also we find her on facebook and try to friend her. She really seemed to want LA friends.
To my delight, we come across some familiar graffiti!
I sure hope it's him.
Anyway, we move on to the Museum Quai Branly:
- The museum was creepy on the inside
- but quite nice on the outside.
- much like myself
Anyway - it was spooky, but interesting.
On the way to the museum, we did the stereotypical touristy crap and looked up at a giant steel structure:
So by this time, we ... RECEIVED A REPLY FROM ANNE MARIE!!! AND OMG, SHE HAS THE CAMERA!!! We schedule a meeting time and a place.
- She tells us to meet her at a place called Les Jackasses, or at least that's how I read it as. The Jackasses.
- We think this is intentional.
- it is a Lesbian bar.
- She's late. Anne Marie is late.
- We think it's another set up. We think she's watching us.
- I think we're going to get jumped by the ex-patriots
- Carl and Wiseman think they're going to get accosted by some lesbians
- I wait outside and do some reconnaissance
- And I get the piss scared out of me when Anne Marie comes up behind me and shouts "HEY!"
She's swell. I now wait for her to accept my facebook friend request. My new Paris friend: an Irish, ex-patriot, lesbox, crazy, crass, awesome, friend. Go to Pure Malt and say Hi to Anne Marie.
THE PURE MALT SCOTTISH PUB
4, Rue Caron
75004 Paris, France
+33 1 42 76 03 77
Later that night we took a boat tour. This is where I found my camera to be:
- awful in low light
- awful in moving boats
- has awful menu items to help with these awful things.
- artistically blurry
- tastefully exposed
- beautifully framed
After the tour, we were fucking cold and starving. So we walked around until we found a little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant that was full of Asians, which we found reassuring.
So we walked in to find ourselves being escorted to a private room!
- Initially we thought that we scored with the private room
- The dumplings and soup was good, so we were looking forward to our meal
- As we started digging into our meal, it started dawning on us that maybe we were seated in a private room away from others so that we couldn't compare our meal to other people's... because:
- Carl and Wiseman's chicken dishes were more bones than chicken.
- Carl and Wiseman both considered their dishes very dangerous and could have caused:
- internal bleeding
- severe esophageal damage
- death
- The meal was stressful and unsatisfying
- I had pig knuckles, so they couldn't really fuck that up too much... it's already kind of fucked up.
- Carl had a cheese
- Wiseman had something... I can't remember
- and I had the Critrusy Lemony goodness one. It was delicious. And safe to eat.
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